Gratitude

I’m short on joy. Lacking. I ought to have more, I know.

I do feel guilty about this.

I have sought the Lord for the joy he gives. It is there. I see it. And in some moments, I experience it.

But, my heart won’t seem to hold onto it.

I know why.

The life interruptions I have experienced in recent years have resulted in so much sorrow, joy could not find any space within me.

While healing has taken place, joy has not followed as I believed it would.

Why?

To choose joy is to see all existence as a gift, which is why the practice of joy

is inseparable from the practice of gratitude.

Prayers in the Night / Tish Harrison Warren / pg157

There it is.

I have not practiced gratitude enough.

When gratitude became a “trend,” it bugged me. It felt like a marketing ploy to sell journals and apps. And, God was not part of the practice as advertised. I did not want to engage in “gratitude” just because it was popular. In this, I limited my pathway to joy. This year I want to open up the pathway to joy, engaging in the spiritual practice of gratitude.

And here is where I am starting:

I am remembering my past. (I know. The journal entry should say, “What are you thankful for today?”).

However.

One of my biggest roadblocks has been that my life does not look like I wanted it to at this point. I am constantly discouraged because I feel I have missed out on things I wanted to do and experience. As I talked to the Lord about it, he started to remind me of all the experiences I have had…all the things I have done. At first I was overwhelmed at the thought of it. Where does one start with such a process of remembering? At the beginning?

Maybe. But, I am starting with my photo gallery on my cell phone. I have started looking at pictures from when my phone started storing them. And I am saving some photos in an album labeled, “Gratitude.”

God has given me so much. Answered so many prayers. Blessed me in so many ways as he does all of us. I am going to spend time remembering all of this and being grateful. And I’m praying the pathway to joy will open up in my heart.